Nadeem F Paracha is a noted Pakistani journalist who writes in Daily Dawn, the most prestigious English daily from Pakistan. NFP is one of his kind left in Pakistani journalism, still the “good old fashioned socialist” type . He is frequently dismissed as a “music and cultural” critic. The fact remains that he may be the only one in Pakistan who is writing like a “cultural theorist”. Understanding the music, media, fashion, attitudes and discourse in a leftist historicist way, especially intriguing is his writing on emergence of Pakistani pop music with the student youth politics in Pakistan, from rise of socialist Zulfikar Ali Bhutto to his hanging and start of Zia era which he frequently writes continues to this day, equating the various shades of youth popular culture with political struggle is very enlightening. He is wrote a piece in his column “smokers corner” on the right wing issues that have been forced on whole nation by the media , judiciary and danish cartoons. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

“I’d rather fight for a tree than die for a God”. Nadeem F Paracha

Damn Darwinian thugs

Democracy is about higher goals and wider ideals. It requires sacrifices. A two-ton imported Australian cow being slaughtered on Baqra Eid is one such sacrifice.

Screams a newspaper headline: “The National Assembly condemns blasphemous Danish cartoons and Danish film.”

Commendable, indeed. I think this is the fourth time the assembly has done this. So reads another headline: “Government to fund pro-Islam film to counter blasphemous Dutch movie.”

This is even more commendable and noble. I mean this is all I voted in this government for. And, of course, the judiciary issue.

In other words, once the judges are reinstated, the Danes condemned and the pro-Islam film completed, fuel prices will come down, atta will reappear, load-shedding shall come to a halt, the economy will be salvaged, crime will be controlled, education standards will go up, etc.

Yes, sir, it’s as easy as that. And did I mention how Pakistan shall once again become a bastion and true defender of Islam? That’s our true calling. As envisioned by the Quaid-i-Azam. Zia said so.

Just wait for that glorious day when the judges shall be restored. All shall be well — the economy, society, politics, roads… Yes, especially the roads. Long, firm, smooth. No potholes. No more.

I demand that the National Assembly and the gallant TV news channels continue talking about the judiciary, the Dane and the Dutch. No use wasting time talking about electricity and the atta crises, the price hike, street crime and poverty, and especially incidents of dirty Hindus being burned/lynched for “blasphemy.”

All these are international Zionist-American-Tibetan conspiracies against the great nation of Pakistan. A country that would have become another Japan had “true Islam” been allowed to thrive. And don’t you ask how. You wouldn’t want to get lynched, now would you?

So, I insist that the government make at least four sequels of the pro-Islam film, Rs5 billion each, at least. Because, as we all know, Pakistan is now a rich country. Shaukat Aziz said so.

Never mind the whiners and the losers who are always complaining. “No electricity,” “No water,” “No jobs,” “So much crime,” “hai, kya hoga?” Well, boo-hoo! Can’t these people ever rise above the petty issues and understand the importance of the bigger issues at stake? Issues like the restoration of judiciary, conspiracies against Islam … and the Indian Premier League! Yes, that too. Naseem Ashraf said so. Democracy is about higher goals and wider ideals. It requires sacrifices. A two-ton imported Australian cow being slaughtered on Baqra Eid is one such sacrifice. So what if the cow’s weight is more than the combined weight of the hundreds of bhookay, nangay kids who gather around the cow to see it being sacrificed. It is good for Islam and good for democracy. The Muree Declaration said so.

So keep beaming in the press conferences, the talk shows, the breaking news… Let’s talk, talk and talk more. About the “real issues”!

Let’s know what the status of the mazool judges is, how many days left for the dreaded deadline. Because even if more and more stomachs in Pakistan are going empty, let’s at least keep the adrenalin pumping!

Let’s gaze at our navels and figure out where Osama is, or who slapped whom in parliament, and who dared put a brilliant TV channel like Peace off the air? Who, who? Come forth … and get lynched, blasphemer!

Why not close down channels like the National Geographic and Animal Planet. Channels who promote Darwinism, or worse, show hairy animals procreating in public. Yes, here is another big issue, ladies and gentlemen: innocent Pakistanis being exposed to immoral Darwinian procreation practices on TV!

I demand the TV news channels and the National Assembly to talk about this issue as well. These so-called nature and science channels should be condemned. I implore the authorities that a film should be funded to prove them wrong. To prove that babies fall from the sky and mommies catch them and that all animals caught procreating in public should be lynched! Or sacrificed. For the sake of democracy. And the judiciary. On Baqra Eid. Yeah.

So, ladies and gentlemen, do not be distracted by losers whining about the poverty, the crime, the economy, the electricity, the water, the this the that, and what not. These are petty issues for petty people. Be big, be bold. Talk about the real issues: the judiciary, the Dane and the Dutch, forward blocs, state dinners, and of course, obscene Darwinian nature channels.

In fact, I demand that the religious parties call for a strike against the airing of these channels. And while we’re at it, let’s burn a few trees, wild bores, deer and snow leopards as well. Damn Darwinian thugs!

Nadeem F Paracha